Hitman | REVIEW

I enjoy movies with sequels for some reason. I enjoy trilogies and continuations. Not only for movies, but for video games as well. So basically, I like the Hitman videogame series. Granted, I haven't played all of em', and I've grown more attached to games like God Of War and Assassin's Creed, but Hitman is one heckoffa' successful series, and if you're a gamer then you already know that.

I guess all great games will transcend into major motion pictures one day, and Hitman's day came sooner than later. Unfortunately though, the movie doesn't live up to the game and for me it failed as a film altogether. It's beautiful in terms of cinematography and visual effects, but those aspects fail to save the movie on a whole. Lets take a look at what sucked, but before that, here's what you need to know.

Hitman is the story if Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant), an assassin that has been trained in the field ever since he was a child, technically invisible to the government yet available for hire by those who need him to do their 'deeds'. The problem? Someone's trying to fix the good Agent up, in other words, frame him for something that he did not do. The good part? Fate hands him this hot Russian chick to tag along with. The awesome part? She starts doing things that would be snipped at local theaters by the censorship board.

Xavier Gens (director) and the guys behind Hitman did a pretty sweet job by creating the look and feel of the film. The visuals are well done and so is the color / tonal value of the entire film. There's a theme to it that stays true to the videogames. That's probably the best part about Hitman (the movie). The story is okay. Just okay, as in a mediocre story. It's watchable and that's it. There's a basic story arc and nothing more. The film seems dry, the bad acting shows, and the plot is too confusing for its own good. There are some films that integrate a very confusing plot, but at the end of the day everything is resolved and there's a happy audience. Hitman fails to deliver a good story let alone send home a happy audience. Timothy Olyphant isn't a complete disaster but there's something about him that doesn't allow the man to play Agent 47. Maybe he looks too young or his acting is weak, I'm not sure, but it's just hard to digest Olyphant as Agent 47.

Now, I'm not one to complain about Russian chicks revealing a lil' too much, but the sexuality in this movie seems completely out of place. There has to be a reason for nudity and a reason to initiate a sex-scene or even something close to sexual. Throughout the flick there's pointless sexual references and needless teasing, as though the movie was shouting out, "Hey, guys there's a naked Russian babe in this movie so give us your f*ckin' money and pay for those damn DVDs!" I mean if we needed pointless nudity / sex scenes we'd just log on to the Internet, right? Right? You'd have to watch the movie to see what I mean. The sexual teasing and dry references that try to sound naughty or kinky or whatnot are annoying, actually. For instance, here's a girl who's been a sex-slave for God knows how long, having been abused as in whipped and tortured, yet she's all hot for Agent 47? What happened to effin' trauma? Did 'emotional distress' never happen? One moment she's crying and the next she wants to hump a bald stranger that carries an arsenal in his briefcase? Wha..?!

One thing I do like about Hitman, though, are those very artistic posters. Not only do they look good, they also keep the thematic value of the game intact. My favorite poster, obviously, is the one you see on your top-left. I especially like the vibrant colors and the contrast the orange creates against the black background. Very nice. But, saying that my favorite part about a movie is its marketing isn't saying much at all, in fact, it's saying that the movie which has moving pictures is worse than a still image.

Hitman did financially well at the box-office thanks to its proper marketing and established fanbase. Still, critics and hardcore fans deemed the movie a mess and overall failure. As I said... weak, dry, confusing stories. I remember comparing Hitman to the Bourne trilogy while I was watching it. I somewhat realized that Hitman was trying to be as sleek and smart as the Bourne films, only it wasn't working well for Hitman. The sleekness doesn't seem too sleek and the movie isn't very smart. It's desperately looking for ways to twist things and confuse you and get you all engrossed but instead it just manages to confuse so much that in the end nothing seems to make much sense. Even the violence in this movie is random and just berserk! There has to be a method to madness ala The Incredible Hulk, 300, Bourne Trilogy etc; something that's violent yet visible and meaningful...not just random gunshots and going crazy with a machine gun and splitting heads open. There is a lot of violence in Hitman but none of it is attractive.

I smell sequels for this movie. Sequels that will be bombarded with explosions and more violent fight scenes. I doubt the sequels will do the game any justice either.
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Wrap : Hitman gets a 3.0 out of 5.0 for being a watchable flick. There's nothing to say about the acting, nothing about the score, nothing about anything else in the movie. It's just watchable, and probably fun for some, the first time around. I doubt many will wanna' watch this thing again. It's very forgettable and it'll fade away as one of those videogame-movies that didn't make it. Now...bring on an effin' God Of War movie, someone! And do it right, for Pete's sake!