Beowulf | REVIEW

"I am Ripper... Tearer... Slasher... Gouger. I am the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power! I AM BEOWULF!"

And so he is. He's Beowulf the ripper, tearer, slasher, and everything brutal put into one human being. Or is he? I was never really attracted to Beowulf by the trailers and teasers and epic-looking posters. To me it all seemed too 300-ish, as though these guys were banking off the success of 300. Still, I decided to watch Beowulf in the cinema just to see what it was all about and found out that there wasn't much that impressed me throughout the course of the film. I know it's cutting-edge animation and it has gained a large circle of fans, but to me Beowulf is all-talk and no action. And I don't mean the movie as a whole, but rather the character itself. Before I go on, you have to know a lil' about the story. No spoilers.

Beowulf (Ray Winstone), a warrior known the world over for his battle skills and impressive monster-slaying resume', is called upon by King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) to rid their town of a horrid, bellowing beast known as Grendel. Little does Beowulf know that his task grows bigger when he also has to rid the town of Grendel's revenge-seeking mother (Angelina Jolie). Now seriously, she gave birth to that, you might wonder, but do not be deceived...that steamy-hot body covered in some gold stuff is only a mask that disguises an beast inside. You'd think that a horrid beast hiding in a woman's body would have NO sense of style, right? Wrong! That body-wrap gold skin thing actually goes all the way down to her ankles and forms...wait for it...high-heels! Talk about having an FHM subscription in a town like that a thousand years ago. So the question is...does Beowulf really slay her or do they get their freak on? As in does he slay her or does he slaaay her all night long? This is a whole new level of porn, people! Humans and monsters.

Although the animation is cutting-edge, it still hasn't reached a level of complete realistic-ness in terms of human facial expressions. The winking of the eyes is the most obvious animation flaw in this movie and it does a lot of damage. The winking is too robotic and too rigid(?). Certain scenes actually remind me of cut-scenes from older Playstation games. This is one major downside to Beowulf.

What I don't like about Beowulf is that in my opinion, he's not a hero at all. He's neither a real hero nor is he an anti-hero. Throughout the movie you'll find that Beowulf brags about his accomplishments and 'adds spice' to his tales of battles with dangerous monsters. But the truth is that he has the same weaknesses that any lay man would have, making it hard to accept him as the hero of this movie. I'm sure not all protagonists have to be uber-heroic, but Beowulf can be classified as an arrogant, brash, cocky warrior of sorts that has done little to earn his prestigious reputation. I may be a little harsh here, but I didn't actually give a f**k about Beowulf...at all. I didn't like the guy so the battle scenes in the movie never caught my attention because quite frankly, I didn't care what happened to Beowulf! Heroes in films have to back up what they say...and Beowulf doesn't do that. He just exaggerates.

There's also a lot of nudity in the film. It's like a 'Pixar Goes Wild' fest, although I know Pixar didn't have anything to do with this. For some reason Beowulf fights Grendel in the nude...I'm not sure how that helps but the man does it! Maybe it's the only time Ray Winstone would see his own body as a sexy chunk of meat instead of it being overweight and hairy. The wonders of technology, I tell ya'. Angelina Jolie practically bares all except for all the important parts, and so does Anthony Hopkins. Yes, Anthony 'I eat people coz I'm a cannibal' Hopkins is technically naked in Beowulf. Not in Beowulf but in the movie, Beowulf. For all those Hopkins stalkers out there, you just got handed your piece of pie. Go ahead, slide in the DVD, forward to that Hopkins' scene and grab a towel, you sick, twisted lil' things! I'm not sure why everyone loves to be naked in Beowulf but I've made my point...lots of 3D nude scenes.

The score in Beowulf is pretty solid. It's one of the very few things I liked about the movie. Alan Silvestri handles the soundtrack and it's really good, although it strongly reminds me of Van Helsing. The soundtrack helps the movie gain an 'epic-feel'.

I heard from people who watched Beowulf in 3D (an in The IMAX Experience), that the movie's greatness comes from said experience alone. The visuals via IMAX 3D are extraordinary and it probably works well that way. I guess the effects are diminished when screened in an ordinary cinema.
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Wrap : I give Beowulf a 3.2 out of 5.0. Being brutally honest, I didn't enjoy it at all. Yeah, the visuals were awesome and it's obvious that a lot of effort went into making this flick a reality, but the character of Beowulf himself didn't set well for me. Show me Leonidas any day and I'd say, "Now that's a hero". No prejudice whatsoever, but isn't that what a hero is? A person who actually shows intense bravery and endurance instead of merely boasting about his 'blown-up' achievements? Watch this for the mere experience of it. There's some pretty good 3D work and I'm sure all those future animators would use Beowulf as their benchmarks. It's a good benchmark, but not a great movie. Don't agree? Wanna' take it up with me? Come on, then! But I must warn you though...... I am author, blogger, reviewer, administrator. I am the owner of RandomFilmReviews. The player of Playstation consoles. The listener of hardrock music......I...am...POLARBOY!